lucid dreaming all day.
thinking most of night.
if u get a day off, sleep few hours in the afternoon n have ur premonitions.
stopped eating for a while unless i feel the stomach eating itself.
thinking. so much thinking. its almost a torture.
work.
work work work, keep moving stay distracted untill u feel exhausted. pretend that what they say is important. give them credit, dont let them see themselves through ur eyes.
and yes i lost some weight. ppl keep reminding me to eat as its their own fucking issue. they make jokes. they think they r funny. i also laugh, so i get done with it.
i dont belong here.
i donno what im doing most of the time.
my body is here but i am somewhere else.
bec they donno whats going on underneath.
no one knows.
i am myself mostly at night, in the dark.
when silence is the best company and the closed door of my room makes it a safe place.
i wanna leave.
i wanna dissolve.
disappear n never be found.
i wanna live underwater. in a different planet. in another dimension.
transcend this wrong existence n move over it.
see whats after.
leave behind this body.
disconnect from memories. the joy n the pain.
switch the view.
be a different kind of being.
understand.
and finally rest with no purpose. no past. no future.
A star burning from within.
A crystal full of energy with no intelligence.
