double headed eagle

He was wearing this big load of compassion and selfless concern about others. Most probably due to some past trauma, a residue, a price he paid, an unfulfilled wound left open somewhere somehow. Some experience that obviously costed him something.

I knew, and he knew too, that people would think he was insane, and he actually was. Genuinely insane. Gentle but raw. Pure but dirty.
Easy to love but not so easy to understand.

Trying hard to fit in a label, shrinking himself into conventional slots he didn't belong to.
Hungry of life, despite all the pain, love and hate.

What a nonsense.

How could i tell him?
How could he not know that his bulletproof ideas were too big to be contained in such a small place? 

That his longing for some kind of poetic justice was too tangible not be felt from anyone standing by?
That his presence in anyone's life should have been felt more like a slap in the face that wakes up parts of you that were numb since years.
That his impatient faith in human beings was too unreal for this city, for this planet?
And that anyone who couldn't see all the above wasnt worth the time of his life?

How?

If he could see himself from my eyes just for a second, he would understand.
He would know how beautiful and scary he looks like, regardless of what others say.
And he would see that gap i see between us, when i say that my edges r sharp and when i say that my boundaries only get stronger.
He would see how appearance doesnt matter, and how few r the thing that truly matter.
He would see me for what i am when i say that i am only good in avoiding emotional relationships, and when i say  that i still take major decisions by the toss of a coin, bec its easier to put all responsibilities on fate.
When i say that i dont belong to any place nor any man and that im just one night stand and never an happily ever after.
When im honest on how little i care about what happens out of my own self and how detached i get from the reality that everyone else easily experience.
When i say I feel a weird pleasure in loving ppl who r damaged bec their love is always wild and awake and only through pain u get a deeper connection.